washing machine
the easiest and most obvious first. that little post in the middle that swishes to and fro. except there wasn't a neat little basket to keep all my parts contained in one area. i've never been able to bend in ways i bent this morning. i was like a contortionist on acid playing with silly putty.
blow dryer
this one is kind of a stretch, but work with me. instead of wind being blow at you, imagine water. at speeds most people would be uncomfortable driving. you know how when dogs hang their heads out car windows while their owners fly along without regard to their furry friends, and their jowls are stretched back to their ears? and they slightly resemble an asian baby? that was me. but add goggles.
dishwasher
this one came to mind when i found myself about a foot past the break at one point. i turned around to see the crash, and i totally got pelted in the face by flying water coming back towards me. except there was no food stuck to me. the vomit had long since been washed off my face by then...(joke)
vacuum cleaner
oh the raw sucking power. riptide is an amazing thing. gerry kept saying riptide is a great thing for a triathlete. yeah, still don't get that part. i felt like one of those stupid stretchy WWF wrestler dolls the boys had when we were little, that you could stretch and stretch. except the doll always snapped right back into place. me, not so much snapping back anymore. i'm not gumby. well, some would object to that, but that's another post.
toilet
again, kind of obvious, but you know how at the very end, right before everything disappears to the great beyond down that hole? the velocity of that spin, yeah, that was me. i was the shit headed down that hole, where i would land, no one would know.
even now, 5 hours later, i'm still giggling. the 'warmup' lap separated the herd quickly. somehow or another i made it past that first break. once i knew i was remotely safe, i looked around at the other 3-4 survivors around me. everyone had this 'WTF' look on their faces. priceless. leave it to me to state the obvious, i then posed the question "well, that was fun, but how the FUCK do we get back in?" crickets. so we just started swimming.
my buddy and i went back out to 'play in the waves' (yes, the wisdom in that statement has already been questioned numerous times). we'd just made it past the break and started swimming out to lap the buoy ahead. i'm swimming along, and the next thing i know, i see all white around me, i managed to see that i'm a good 7 feet higher in the air than dave, and i realize, "holy fuck this isn't good." i was laughing before i even surfaced. the minute i popped up, dave immediately asked me if i was ok. something he'd do many times in such a short time. all i could answer with was "what the fuck was that???" good times.
popped something in my bad knee while just casually trying to swim in the rip. i was not even trying to fight it, i knew better within 5 minutes of being out there. i was just letting it take me, and i heard the pop. then, while under a wave, the damn thing still sucked me up, and when it slammed me back down, i jammed my ring finger just like my good 'ole basketball days. and my swimcap got ripped right off my head. salvaged the goggles.a friend of mine just recently asked me what to do if you're getting pummeled by a wave. 1. i'm oh so glad he wasn't out there today. 2. go limp, play dead. don't fight. it can smell fear. know that eventually it will pop you up to the surface. whether or not you'll have lungs filled with oxygen or sea water, that's debatable but dammit, eventually it'll spit you out. 3. you can't ever stop. you have to commit one way or the other. either go and fight like hell, or go the other way and run like hell. either way, there's hell involved. know that, embrace it, become one with it. for some of us, it's just good practice.
No comments:
Post a Comment