my own year in review

had to do it. bear with me.

i've been out in southern cal now for a full year. my life has changed more than i ever thought possible. in some ways good, in other ways not. but more than likely, the areas i view to be not good changes are things i just need to get acclimated to.

good changes #1: i'm still a travel nurse. i didn't really know how long i'd be able to say that. i've got much too much attitude to be a travel nurse. as a travel nurse you've got to keep your mouth shut, and do your job as best the facility's policy and procedure manual will allow. this has been really hard for me. case in point - my current facility. it's a Level II NICU (Level III being the highest; well, actually there are Level IVs but they're very sparse). i've always and only worked in Level III NICUs before this one. so i've been trained and worked at a higher acuity than their patients. there are some incredibly moronic 'rules' this place has, none of which are backed up with policy and procedure. they don't even HAVE a policy and procedure manual that i've seen yet, and i'm in my 5th month here. what does that mean for me? well, i'm not real sure yet. it means that i practice as best i can, do the things i know are right, and pray like hell that i don't get called to court one day. hence my being doubly covered with malpractice insurance. it's funny how quickly this particular 'good thing' has turned into a bad thing, but the underlying premise here is that i've not yet managed to get my ass fired. oh, wait, i did do that this year! damn. ok, so maybe the underlying premise is that i'm still a travel nurse? sure, we'll go with that.

good thing #2: i'm a triathlete. so crazy. and i say it, yet i still don't really believe it. maybe that's because the season is over and i feel so removed from it since i've been off training for so long now. my unemployment era was wonderful for my training this summer. i had all day, every day to go nuts, and i did. i start IMAZ training in a week or so. couldn't be more ready, i'm going a little stir crazy here. i've enjoyed the time off, but now i just feel like a slob. i think training is essentially my therapy. there's nothing better than having a ton of stuff on your mind, hopping into a warm pool and just swim and swim and get it all figured out. i miss that. i've got an MRI tomorrow for my knee, and i'm supposed to see one of 'THE' premier orthopedic surgeons next week. i look forward to becoming 'a runner', for what that's worth anyway.

good thing #3: my family. my friends. i came out here not knowing a soul. that's part of the appeal for me as a travel nurse. it took me a couple of months, but then i met dave. and then eve, and the whole TNS crew. i can't begin to express how lucky i am for these people. my father is in good health now after quadruple bypass and pacemaker placement after 20+ years of being a die hard roadie and marathoner.

good thing #4: my boyfriend. our new life together. our apartment. hey look, that's 3 right there.

there are of course bad things that have occur ed. but listing them isn't really necessary, because they don't even nearly outweigh the good. i've got a couple of new year's resolutions, but nothing too fancy. i think signing up for IMAZ pretty much solidified any possible outlandish resolution i could come up with for this particular year...

long overdue vacay

don't know how much truth there is to that, but we'll go with it anyway.

this past week has been very hectic. it feels like i worked every damn day, even though i didn't. they canceled me for one, which meant rescheduling, which, yet again, screwed up my entire week. my birthday was good, pretty productive but i wasn't able to knock most anything off my 'to-do' list, let alone workout. FINALLY got an appointment with the 'premiere' orthopedic surgeon of santa monica. was able to get dave completely moved in, he's now a resident of woodland hills. yay!

after an incredibly stressful week, dave and i boarded a plane for NM. somehow or another we both were able to swing an entire week off. my hometown is about 3 hours away from albuquerque, so we rented a car and made the drive saturday. we got up sunday and rode with my mom, her best friend, and my dad. dave and i are both borrowing a bike from my dad. keeping in mind that my dad's bike tuning skills are all self-taught maneuvers, this means that our bikes aren't the best fits. regardless, we had a good time. knocked out 27 miles in about 2 hours. the temp was in the 40-50 degree range. with layers from my own closet, as well as those from dave and my dad, i was happily toasty. the wind changed directions about 4 times while we were out, and i'm not even exaggerating. at one point it was so strong we were doing all we could to maintain a 10mph. and manure does nothing for your lung capacity. in case you were wondering. nor does a swing in elevation of <100ft>4200ft. ah good times. i didn't need to breathe anyway, breathing is SO overrated.

coming into this trip, i requested that my coach shoot me a couple workouts for the week. i was fully expecting snow, so i wasn't thinking we'd be able to ride. we get down here and it's bone dry. ah, such is my life. coach also told me i wasn't allowed to run while we were down here. i knew i'd be tempted, especially with dave training for a half marathon next month, so i didn't even bring my knee brace with me. i'm not stupid enough to run without it, so there's not really a surer way in my book to stop me from running. regretting that now. it's cold, but the afternoons are getting into the 50s, and i'd love to be able to run. kind of driving me a bit nuts. the advice i got on workouts was to lift and do yoga, then bike and swim as i could. we decided we REALLY like the pool here, so we are going to try to swim daily. for my birthday dave bought me an awesome new tinnie tiny camera, which takes video. we brought that down today to the pool and taped each other's swim for a lap or so. i look like crap. i've decided that my natural athletic ability has gotten me through one season of triathlon, but i think that book is about to end. i think i'm coming to the point that i need to enlist some professional help. and i'm struggling with that, because i've prided myself in being a good swimmer, erroneous as that may be or not. and having someone try to tweak my stroke freaks me out because it's what's worked for me up to now. i don't really know what's triggered this. dave is a self-taught swimmer, he watches video online and has invested in the total immersion hoopla. he talks about it frequently, and does drills feverishly in the pool when we go. i do my little warmup and then i just swim. granted, dave is much faster than i in the water, but he's a boy. he's supposed to be faster...that's my rationalization and it works for me. i'm body conscious enough to realize when something doesn't feel right, and within a couple strokes i can usually pinpoint what's going on. today, for instance, i immediately felt sore and tight from lifting weights yesterday, so i knew i wasn't clearing much with my elbows. sure enough, saw it on the video, i'm not rolling whatsoever. ugh, the demons have set in. and i've been so comfortable in this leg of triathlon for so long now...guess it had to happen. i'm too ADHD to not touch pandora's box at SOME point.

in true OCD fashion, i came on vacay with a 'to-do' list, and so far, i've been unable to knock any of those things out. one of which was cementing down a race schedule for the upcoming season, if nothing else up to vineman. i now have very specific guidelines for my race schedule since i signed up for IMAZ, which i totally understand and agree with. and ever since my crash, i'm now incredibly aware of the fact that every time i race i'm at risk of getting hurt. i'm not real sure where that came from, and i'm somewhat jealous of the fact that i was able to skate through my first season unscathed and nonchalant. let the fun begin...

ketcha-YOU-up

been awhile. and i'd like to say that's because i've been sitting on my ass, eating bonbons, knitting sweaters. alas, i have not.

IMAZ weekend:

myself, dave and eve all worked the friday heading into the weekend. that translated to a departure time of 4am saturday morning. per dave. let's get that straight. dave's plan, not ours. we got into town with the intent of running to just one bike shop to make a return from soma weekend - eve wanted to run, dave and i wanted to swim before dinner. we actually squeezed in a second bike shop trip, and they both got a run in while i got in a 30 min nap (which is just bullshit, btw, anything less than a hour just isn't worth undoing the bed).

dinner that night was just a full-on head-first collision for the senses. pf changs, very loud music, a handful of people we knew, two bigger handfuls of people we didn't, tears and drinks (granted, those last two probably correlated but whatever). we finally got to present the book to max, and he gave a speech. i was just in awe. there's no other way to put it. at one point i looked at dave and told him when it was my turn to do an IM, i would shoot him dead if he gathered this many people for me. too much pressure. dinner was good, it could've been very weird (and in fact was for eve, but we didn't find that out for awhile), but it wasn't at all. it was so interesting to gather a group of people who only cared about one thing at that moment in time - max. very powerful stuff.

after dinner, myself, dave, eve and brian wandered downtown tempe in search of more good times (surely there were more to be had). and of course we found them. we had our fair share of alcohol that night.

next morning, we wake up earlier than the buttcrack of dawn. i think it was another 4am morning. we threw on clothes and headed out. found sofia and some of her family already gathered, and we found max. he kind of had a deer-in-the-headlights look about him, eerily calm. somehow or another damon was actually inside transition with him. little did i know, that was only the beginning...

max was off on the swim, and we positioned ourselves right next to the wetsuit strippers. it was awesome to watch these people come out of the water. i'm less and less impressed by pros with every race that goes by. it's the average joe who climbs up out of the water with the biggest smile on his face, just happy to be there, happy to have accomplished just that section of the race that makes it worthwhile to watch. quickly we weeded out the good strippers from the bad strippers. and then us girls (eve, sofia, and i) started to worry that max might fall into the hands of one of the bad eggs. that wasn't gonna happen, nope, not on OUR watch. i politely tapped one of the medic/strippers on the shoulder and asked her if i could climb over and help strip people. snottily she told me no, that i didn't have a 'tshirt' which showed that i was a true volunteer. well screw that shit. i had dave telling me 'babe, if it were my race and you jumped a barricade to strip my wetsuit and got me DQ'd, i don't know if i could ever forgive you' and i had damon physically maneuvering me to get into place to climb the damn barricade saying 'so this is what you're gonna do...'. it was like my own little conscience battling it out, but with actual people, not just voices in my head. and you can probably guess which i decided to go with. i was really worried the beotch/medic/stripper lady would recognize me had i gone in with my jacket and hat looking just the way i had when i propositioned her, so i took off my jacket and hat and switched with damon, took his black knit ski mask/skully (oh the racist jokes i could tell...), and found myself in between the metal bars of the barricade and the tarp. and damon directing traffic telling me when it was ok to go.

stripping was fun. tough, but fun. and wet. and i had on a white tshirt. wasn't the best plan. i had eve watching for max so she could tell me when to go for him. my goal was to find him, wave him over, and strip him right there in front of our group. but then when eve spotted him, he was so far away, that 1 i worried he'd still fall into the hands of a bad egg before reaching me, or 2 that he wouldn't really recognize me, seeing as how i wasn't supposed to be there and he'd just swam for 90 minutes straight. so i bum-rushed him. he had the greatest look on his face when he saw and recognized me. he didn't speak, i just saw the light go on in his head and the oh-so-appreciative smile cross his face, and then i yelled at him to get on his ass. i stripped him, helped him up, and then he was gone. i stuck around and did a few more, and got pretty tired. the adrenaline was gone by the time max made it into the tent, and then it was just cold and wet. everyone was so appreciative of the help though, it was great. highly recommend stripping to anyone. just be sure to eat some breakfast first. or after? anyway...

out on the bike we totally missed max's first loop. he spotted us first and pointed, and we were all in shock and just yelled some mass of words AT him, and then clapped and cheered. oops. still don't know how that happened. you sit on the curb, you see them come in on the opposite side of the curb, and then they come back on your side. so we missed him twice. every single one of us was determined THAT wasn't going to happen again.

tim bomba, head hauncho of the ocean 101 group found us, and conducted some interview type maneuvers which i'm sure will come back to haunt me sometime...we positioned ourselves right next to one of the penalty tents, and fought the urge every single time to run up and ask the 'offenders' what they did to be put in time out. probably not the time. we caught max's second loop, and then went back down lake side to watch the run.

it was here and at dinner that dave posed the inevitable question - what if he did IMAZ next year? my immediate, and completely selfish response was, well, what do you think it'll do to our relationship? that's a LOT of time spent apart. by that time we'll have only been a year into this relationship, and i'm an ass. i'm high maintenance. i need attention. i'm aware of it. i think he has an idea. so i started stressing about it. already. he hadn't even signed up yet, was just throwing it out there as a hypothetical (although he and i both knew it wasn't just a 'hypothetical' - he really wanted to do that race). at one point i even spoke with sofia, and asked her if she thought it'd be a good idea that i go back to school, maybe get my master's in nursing while he trained for IMAZ so as to keep myself busy. her response "we'll talk!". hmmmm...

max put up an amazing finish to that run. so fast that we spotted him, realized how fast he was running, and just dropped our shit right there and ran to the finish line, which he still beat us to. he found us, and hugged sofia. for some reason i was right there next to him, crying, holding on to one of their arms while they just sobbed into each other. i don't know why i just couldn't let go. it wasn't my moment, i should've given them their space. i'm still a little embarrassed about that part, and i'm not even sure either of them realized i was there, i'm sure they didn't. i turned around and told dave i just couldn't let go of them. he just hugged me while i cried. such a good boyfriend.

we all went back down to transition and grabbed stuff. max was just talking a mile a minute about what he needs to change for next time, already!! i was in shock. this guy just worked out for 12+ hours straight, yet here he is, talking about it, walking a little choppy, but otherwise totally normal. blew my mind. dave, me, brian and eve piled into my truck headed back to the condo they rented. about a mile down the road, brian says, 'so charrissa, what do you think about doing IMAZ next year?'. i looked at dave, he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. i told them both it honest to god never even occurred to me to do it, that all day i'd been stressing about dave doing it. but if BOTH of us were training for it...it was that easy. i said yes. what's funny is that i'd just had another convo with michael, another TNSer the week before, telling him i wasn't ready for a full IM, i had no desire yet, yada yada. needless to say, he didn't take the news well.

we stayed at the condo until about 10pm. and then grabbed food. and got on the road about 11pm i think. immediately eve was out. dave was snoozing. i got an hour in and couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. we pulled over and slept for about an hour on some random exit in the middle of the desert. long story short, we rolled into LA about 4:30am. not good. not good at all. it sucked. we got home, dave got about an hour of sleep, and went to work. eve went straight to work, luckily she'd been able to sleep pretty much the whole way back.

i got up at 10 am after crappy sleep and fretted over the logistical nightmare of registering for a race that would probably close in a matter of minutes. luckily i got us both registered. it still didn't hit me. it hit my bank account, but it still didn't hit me that i'd registered for a 140.6 mile race. still not sure it has. all i know is that's a really, really long way to go.

fast forward to this weekend, dave and i signed up for the Turkey Tri, ACA (against coach's advice) on wednesday, race was sunday after thanksgiving. who wouldn't do a triathlon with pumpkin pie waiting for you at the finish line, i mean, com'on. the swim kinda sucked. well, it sucked pretty badly actually. my AG was the biggest, but that's because it was all 29 and under females and then the athena's on top of it. or bottom, depending on your outlook. optimist/pessimist kind of thing i guess.

i've never been with a bigger group of unprepared, misinformed, newbie triathletes. we were sitting in the start shoot with people asking 'so how far is the swim? where do we exit out of the water?'. now granted, i was intently listening to the answers to these questions, because i too was one of the unprepared, but still. the water temp was a balmy 58 degrees. we were late, dave thinking it wasn't going to be crowded so we'd have time to do our normal rituals. yeah, there were almost 1000 people in that race. so i didn't get to get into the water to warm up. not really a bad thing i got in knee-deep and dunked my face. and then stood in the start shoot where it was really windy. the swim was good enough. i had no intention of racing this race, honestly. i hadn't raced since LA back in october. i was out there to put up a good fight, enjoy myself, and have some damn pumpkin pie. this outlook showed in my swim. i don't know if it was the water temp, although it felt fine really, or if it was just that i've lost so much fitness, but i just couldn't maintain my stroke. i just kept thinking that at any moment dave was going to pass me. his wave went off 3 minutes behind me. got into T1, dried off my arms and threw on some armwarmers. not the easiest thing to do, i might add. dave came running through like a tornado, as he does, and i stopped at his rack to buckle my helmet. i knew he'd be right behind me, so i ran out. sure enough, he passed me coming out of T1. i chased him for the first 200m or so, and then he just left me in the dust. i was riding izzy the (*new*) ridley. such an awesome bike.

there's one part of the 14 mile ride that makes an almost less than 90 degree turn, and goes straight up. didn't know that. translation, couldn't make it out of my big ring. couldn't gain enough momentum, and i don't have the bike skills, yet. further translation, dropped my chain. figures. i just laughed. on the plus side, i got out of my big ring. i even said that out loud and just giggled at my own joke. i always have my own audience, it's nice.

the ride is 2 loops, goes right by an airport. it was awesome. LOTS of newbies, one asshole played leapfrog with me the whole time, and kept passing me on the right. it was getting really really old. i come back by the airport again the second time where it's super flat. i decide to drop my big ring and spin it out, pick up my cadence for awhile. what happens? drop my chain. AGAIN. this time, no laughing. i was pissed. i'd just climbed another hill, passed all kinds of people. sonofabitch. luckily i think i passed most of them again. dave's max speed was 45mph. on my bike, on this massively long downhill, i had to of hit at least that. it was awesome. you'd think crashing like i did would have me worried, and in some ways it does, but not of speed.

in T2 i of course spotted dave's bike. threw on my brace and was gone. took me FOREVER to reach the first mile marker. i'm out of shape, i knew it. i had to run walk a lot of it, couldn't find a good, steady pace. i've somehow lost my HR monitor watch, so i can only listen to my heart, and it was all over the place. the hills didn't help. passed dave before mile 2 going the other way. mile 3 came way too fast, had to be mis-marked. met dave at the finish line, he ran with me for a bit. and FINALLY got my pumpkin pie. as it turns out, i was only 5 minutes slower on the bike than dave was. and that was WITH TWO stops for chain malfunction. sweet.

in my life, things are well. i'm desperately in need of a different job. i can't work 12s anymore and live a life. 12 hour work days translates to 14 hour days. that's not conducive to training, to living. i've got to find something new. our new apartment is amazing. great views. hope to have a housewarming party in a month or two. consider yourself caught up.