easter fatty

so frustrated. i've been on this damn paleo diet for 6 days now. i've not cheated once. not a single time. yesterday i went out a rode a 15 mile loop, twice. i felt really good on the ride - it was somewhat challenging with a few rollers that made my HR go into the 170s, but it was obviously doable. my bike comp read 1500+ cals burned. and then i hit the scale this morning. i have a new 'heaviest weight of my life'. jesus. i haven't felt like doing much in the way of training this past week, i've been exhausted to be honest. yesterday i just knew i needed to get out there. i have a half marathon next weekend, i'm a little nervous.

my mom asked me last week what my weight is. i told her i hadn't weighed recently because i had a feeling it was over a certain number, and i didn't want to see it. after 6 days of sticking to this diet, i had a feeling it was going to be under that number and i was excited to see it. it would mean i'm finally on the right track again. i was wrong.

i'm sitting here watching 'say yes to the dress', it happens to be the obese episode. i think, 'wow these women are big.' and then i think about that number on the scale. it really can't be far from the number these girls see when they weigh.

ugh. fittingly it's raining outside. i have a 6 mile run on the books for today. i'm so discouraged at this point.

life goes on.

happy easter

paleo diet - day 3, or broccoli makes me angry

broccoli sucks. it doesn't taste good on its own, especially when it's fresh. and you burp it up for the rest of the day, and that burp tastes worse than when it went down in the first place.

dave used to love broccoli because it was his 'preferred transportation method for ranch dressing.' yeah, not allowed to have ranch dressing.

i haven't cut out all dairy - i still have my morning cold coffee with milk, and i put low-fat feta on my lunch salad. but otherwise for 3 days now i have been all veggies and fruit and meat. i'm tired. i'm not very hungry, pretty full actually. not noticing any other bodily changes, though i'm hopeful.

having random cravings though. last night on the train for some reason i got the strongest craving ever for german chocolate cake frosting. just the frosting. and i don't even like coconut, but i could drain a tub of that frosting in no time at this point.

ah the things we do to ourselves...

paleo diet - day 1

dave has been very interested in the paleo diet and recently bought the book specific to athletes. his messiah, joe friel is co-author, so he knew it was going to be good. i read it over the weekend, and it's pretty interesting. being in the world of science, i don't trust anything until you can replicate results. these have been. the gist is to cut out carbs, mostly, and to focus on lead meats, veggies, and fruits = eat like a caveman. the first 2 weeks are supposed to be hell, but then the recovery process after workouts is supposed to start to pick back up again. we eat entirely too much fast food. we're very busy, neither of us getting home before 7:30pm regularly. trying to cook after that, plus throw in a workout somewhere (and my bedtime needs to be around 9:30pm, mind you), it's all just too much. even trying to plan ahead hasn't worked very well.

so, as if we were bored, we decide to throw something into the mix that's even more time consuming. it will most likely require 2-3 trips to the grocery store (organic to boot) per week. plus all-day sunday cooking prep. but, it's something we get to do together, cooking and shopping (i just ignore his bitching, and occasionally remind him it was all his idea in the first place).

day one: my worry is protein. i don't eat red meat, as many of you know. haven't since '91. that leaves seafood, which i love, chicken and turkey. so now i'm contemplating going back on red meat. my last routine labs showed borderline anemia, but not outright. i guess we will see how it all shakes out. i'm a cheese lover, and i'm pretty partial to milk. chocolate and other sweets are just a given, so i expect the withdraws to start anytime now...i was originally worried about being starving all day, and having to eat constantly. i packed accordingly. as it turns out, i'm full. i have picked a bit throughout the day, but on veggies and fruits and nuts. i feel like a damn rabbit. if my ass gets hairy i'll post pics.

overall, it's an interesting twist that makes sense to me, and i've got to lose weight somehow...

the asslet has a name

once again, i find myself in a bit of shock here. i got off the phone earlier with my attorney who casually mentioned a diagnosis in my records that i'd not heard before. as it turns out, my asslet has a name - it was/is a Morel-Lavallee lesion. all along here, that's been in my records, i'm a friggin' nurse, and i am just now hearing it, from my ATTORNEY!!! lordy. can you say frustrated?

in doing a quick internet search, i came across a guy in texas who's been in my same boat. bike crash, left side, the whole nine. his blog is here. he does a great job of explaining the lesion - he's done his research. since i don't know/didn't ask which of my plethora of docs actually made this particular diagnosis, i don't know when it became the diagnosis for me. i could find this out, but right now i'm doing my best to just accept things. finding out that it was diagnosed before i left the hospital the first time and then waiting an entire month to do anything about it would just about throw me over the edge at this point.

it seems that the most common cause of this particular lesion is major trauma, most commonly seen related to being RUN OVER. we were told this was a possiblity way back when, and my surgical doc at the time mentioned it could be from being run over or just violently landing ass first. since i still have zero recollection of most of that day, i'm a little horrified right now. i knew it was a possiblity, and looking at my crumpled izzy the ridley, i'm positive my bike was run over. there's no way to completely taco a wheel and bend metal screws like that without running it over (i say that, but now i realize anything is possible). how the hell was i run over and didn't break anything?! the head trauma makes sense, but still. it's between a tow truck and a friggin' range rover - how did i walk away without broken bones?! i don't know that we'll ever know for sure what really happened. if the other insurance company puts up a fight, we'll do total scene reconstruction. if they don't, i may never know...

right now i'm trying to zone in on recurrance research. mine is still there, though it's gotten smaller. i'm seeing some people pop up with these suckers years down the line. the other thing i'm seeing is necrosis, both of the underlying tissues and skin. i still have no skin sensitivity, the entire thing is numb on the surface. it often stays cool long after the rest of me has warmed up after a cold walk outside. oh the joys of triathlon.

oceanside 70.3 - race report

51 / 9 something / 4:05 / 3 something / 3:02 = 8:12:12

dave and i left on thursday afternoon for oceanside. we got down there just in time to drop some things off at the hotel, and then head to the airport to go get my parents. we had a crappy dinner with an amazing view of downtown. but my parents were here, so it didn't matter! it wasn't really real yet.

we settled into our hotel in oceanside, and had a decent night's rest. at 7:30am we got a call from the front desk - we were being kicked out of the hotel because of lucca. he had barked during the night, someone complained, and they don't accept dogs in the first place. awesome. we were being kicked out of our hotel the day before the biggest race in southern cal. sweet. we immediately got started finding a new hotel, dave on his phone, me on the ipad. we found an extended stay pretty quickly and they had 2 rooms available. my parents were awesome, so easygoing about the whole thing. dave and i continued on with our plan to go to the beach and get in the ocean. since my wetsuit was stolen at desert, i had to get a new one and needed to make sure it was ok for the race.

the water was shockingly cold. and my wetsuit was solid. which made the leak through the zipper all the more painful. i got semi-acclimated, and we started playing in the waves. it's been a long time since we did that, and we had a great time. most importantly i got out of the water nodding my head - i could do water that cold (58 degrees) for 1.2 miles. i could and i would.

oceanside bracelet - oh it's real

we moved to the new hotel, had some food, and went down to the expo. it was starting to sink in a bit. dinner, then a grocery store run, and a relatively early night. had a bit of trouble going to sleep for maybe 15 min, but then i was out. 

2/3s of my support group

got up with the alarm and showered - i wanted to braid my hair for the race. i did what i could to eat some, but i wasn't too focused on it. we got up at 4, but my wave didn't go off til 7:33, so i knew i had some time. we got down to the race site with plenty of time, so i went straight into transition to set up. it was at that point that i realized i forgot my uncrustables...since they're pretty much the basis of my entire nutrition for the race, i couldn't exactly do without...luckily dave wanted to get a run in that day.

everyone lined up for the swim extra early in my opinion. i was wave 18, so i wasn't in a rush. however, i did find myself rushing once the pros started coming into T1, because it seemed as though people just froze. no one would move in transition, and it took me being a bit of a bitch to get people to keep walking.

the swim was actually pretty good. i wasn't going to haul ass to the start line since it was a swim start, and ended up timing it perfectly. just as i hit the group of eager girls, the gun went off so i just kept on swimming. the water was NOTHING like it was the day before. it was much warmer. i acclimated quickly. i remember being passed by multiple different groups of various colored swim caps. i wasn't A-OK with it, but i wasn't going to allow myself to get down about it. i hadn't been training appropriately enough in the water - i hated pool swims and i was going to pay for it then. it really wasn't that bad though. i only had to breast stroke when i got kicked, or when i swallowed water. the water got pretty rough towards the open-ocean end. got a bit seasick, but it was overshadowed by the realization that i was half done. i was surprised at how good i was feeling. remotely smooth, not at all tired, just going. by the time i was rounding to the ramp, i figured somewhere between 40-45 min swim. imagine my surprise when dave yelled that i was at 51 min. i was crushed. and pissed. ugh. 

cheering myself on; i hadn't yet heard my swim time so i was still happy

off i went on the bike. i knew it was going to be a long day after that. i'd been preparing myself for 4 hours on the bike, i don't know if i ever voiced that to anyone. it wasn't too crowded. the course kinda sucked during that first section on base - it leads behind the BX, and the pavement is really just not safe at all. that entire section was orange (they put orange tape around all the possible danger areas like potholes). the wind was out, and originally i was worried about being cold. i'd been training with arm warmers and my convertible jacket over. in transition i was questioning this, but decided to go with what i'd trained with. always better to have too much clothing. took me FOREVER to get those damn arm warmers on though.

i digress. i knew this section of the course, and the one smallish hill shortly inside of the base. it went much more smooth than it did when i rode it a few weeks ago. that was comforting. i got up and over cristianitos road and to my surprise there was a timing mat. i looked down and i was already at mile 24 of the ride. and only at about 1:30. WTF?! almost halfway and i'm only at 1:30?! i was so excited/shocked/pumped. i stopped and took off my arm warmers, stretched the legs a bit. but i was thrilled, thinking i was going to shock everyone, including myself when i rolled into T2 in a little over 3 hours, by my estimates at that point. little did i know...

there were a few rollers after that, always productive for me at my current weight. i got to eat. came around another military gate with a couple marines yelling at us. and not in a good way. i remember one yelling at me saying 'oh really?! you're gonna come up this hill THAT slowly huh?'. i was laughing out loud. they were screwing with everyone, but it was still quintessential marine talk. only in a race like this. awesome. shortly after that my world crumbled. i saw 'THE HILL'. when i squinted, i could see a bunch of brightly covered ants, not moving up it. i honestly just laughed. dave and i had talked earlier about 'THE HILL', but there's no way any talk could've prepared me for this hill. we'd talked about walking it, and dave seemed to allude to walking it. although he didn't, but he's crazy shit stupid when it comes to hills. me, not so much. i got maybe 25 yards up it, and proceeded to walk. this hill is probably a mile long, and it just goes on forever and ever. even when i was walking it, it was so steep and relentless that my HR was staying at 165-175. jesus. i only got passed by 2 guys actually riding. it was absolutely comical to look down this massive hill and only see people walking their bikes. in the middle of a half ironman. i would have laughed, but my HR was too high.

at this point i'll pause. coming into this race, dave told me about 'THE HILL'. that's it. well, i was walking up 'THE HILL' with this fat, nice guy. that's when he says 'yeah, we still have 1 more'. hmmm. i knew this ride was hilly. knew that. but this damn thing wasn't a hill. people calling it a hill had me scared shitless. if this was a 'hill' to people, WTF was waiting for me?! this was a friggin MOUNTAIN people. we were climbing up the face of a bonafide, grade A MOUNTAIN. not a friggin hill.

i'd also been warned that after 'THE HILL' there's a speed/no passing zone. imagine my surprise when i don't go through that. which means 'THE HILL' was still ahead of me. GREAT. so we come up to another one. there's a girl next to me, and she tells me 'hey at least after this one we only have one more left!'. i almost took that bitch out. now it's THREE?! WTF is going on here?! i didn't sign up for this shit. at that point i decided no more walking. i'll be damned before i'll walk more than one hill in a friggin ironman. it's just illegal or something. i started zigzagging my way up that one, and got cheers from the 2 girls walking up it. granted, they weren't alone by far, most were walking this second one too. but i wasn't. if it added 5 miles to my 56 mile bike, i wasn't walking again. i also took note - maybe it's time i put a little more into course recon prior to the race...maybe.

then we went through the back part of the base - along the barracks and various other buildings. lots of people completely oblivious to us, us who were doing one of the hardest races of our lives so far. while they got tacos from a taco truck, and bitched about having to work on a saturday.

then came another hill. this one curved, so it was a totally different mind-fuck. you had no idea where the end was. awesome. i was so over hills by this point, and not literally. after i made it up that one, the last 10 miles or so were smooth sailing. i was about at the 3:30 mark, and the whole time thing made sense then. silly me to think that i'd be out on my run by that point. silly, silly me. i was trying to decide if i should eat or not. i knew i'd be back in T2 shortly, and that this last section was a bit technical. side note: i open one end of the wrappers to my uncrustables before shoving them in my bento box. easier to get them out. at the halfway point of my rides, i've figured out that if i turn them over, the jelly and peanut butter doesn't leak out the bottom. so i did that during the ride, like always. i decided to go ahead and eat, you can't really eat too much. plus i was already coming to the 3o00 cals burned mark, and i was about to eat my 4th uncrustable. these things are only 210 cals each, and at that point i really started to worry. i was in prime bonk area now. i felt fine, legs were tired from the hills and walking a mile in cycling shoes (i hope that's not becoming a race day tradition with me). but otherwise i was ok. i got out my uncrustable, and in forgetting about the turning-over thing, i watched that sucker drop right between my legs. ain't that a bitch? well, that decided that. i was only gonna eat 3 of em on the ride i guess.

came into T2 where i saw max for the first time! i was bitching of course, i remember muttering something about how that was the hardest ride i'd ever been on, and there was no way in HELL i was doing this race again, ever. i asked how it was looking. max responded with "you're at 3:36 right now, you need to hold 16s.". again - crushed. i had zero idea how my legs were going to feel off the bike. it was seriously the hardest ride ever, how was i supposed to proceed knowing i was racing against the clock now? for some reason, it never occurred to me before then that i'd be doing just that. max and dave both said they had no doubt i'd make the cutoffs. but we never discussed the fact that even if i did make the cutoffs, i'd still have to bust my ass to beat the final cutoff. my mind was wounded. i stuffed 3 uncrustables in my shorts and boobs, sprayed some sunscreen on and i was off.

that's when my mind started screwing with me. i knew the first couple miles would suck. they always do. it takes me that long to get my legs back under me. once the path left the boardwalk and went up to the street, i was seriously thinking in my mind: is it better to quit knowing you're quitting because you probably wouldn't have made the cutoff, or keep running and have to be pulled from the course when you didn't make the cutoff? and that run course is terrible. you see all these people going the other way, and you know they're already on their second lap. they're practically done. and you haven't even hit the turnaround for your first lap yet. you're not even a quarter of the way through. it was just crushing.

at that point i just told my mind to STFU. if i just picked up the pace, i wouldn't have to worry about the cutoff. period. that simple. mile one went by a 14 min. mile 2 at 28. great! fine. keep up that pace, and i'll make it without a doubt. i hit the turnaround and there was my entire family. no numbers this time. max just yelled, gushing with pride that i was right on target. he may have thrown numbers at me, but i didn't hear them. all i knew was that i still had 2 hours to complete this last half of the run, and the first half had only taken me 1:30. so even if i slowed down, i'd still make it. i completely relaxed then.

i can't do coke on the run. they're supposed to give you flat coke - this wasn't flat. it was the best coke of my life, but my stomach was a little achey afterwards. i took a banana without issue. i stopped with the sponges after the first 2 miles because it was super windy, and little to no sun. i was still pretty wet for some reason, sweat? or still the swim? i didn't know. what i did know was that the wind was making me very close to cold. and nipple-y, but only on my right side. i hit the far turnaround, and knew i was on the home stretch. i started cheering everyone on going the other way. but this nipple thing was really bugging me. i didn't want to be perky on only one side in my finish pictures. that's just embarrassing. so i started pinching my lazy nipple, i was doing everything i knew to get that damn thing to stand up like it's compadre short of licking my fingers. no dice. i can't imagine how i must've looked decked out in red spandex running down the road playing with my left nipple. but come'on! only women would understand this...

i passed this lady on a bike who yelled i had less than a mile left. i thought she was fucking with me. until i looked down - my watch showed i was at mile 12.26. she was right! SWEET!!! i was going to finish this thing!!!!

i hit the bridge and decided i'd run the entire finish shoot. you can't walk the finish shoot! i was already at a disadvantage with one working nipple, i didn't need to prolong the whole thing by walking. before i even hit the straight i was running. the crowd was carrying me. i saw dave with the camera. then he started running. i picked up the pace, and heard the announcer same my name right! it was awesome. then he said i was from chino hills, that i was a registered nurse. and he thanked me for doing what i did, it was the hardest job ever. and then i was across the line.

i looked past the line and there was this monster of a man, and all i saw were his hands, right in front of me. i hugged him, and just cried. he was amazing - he held on to me with such strength that i didn't have to think about walking for a little while. then i saw dave. and max. and i cried and cried. and then momma came. and i cried some more. it was amazing.

oh, and i'll be back next year i think...