time out

here's the run down of my upcoming week:

today - forecast is rain. i have a swim, so no biggie. hoping to go home early. need to do school work.

saturday - forecast is a shitload of rain. all day. and freezing cold. supposed to have a 4 hour bike ride. hmmmmm. need to do school work. and clean. and do laundry.

sunday - bright and sunny, will likely switch my workouts since i have a long run scheduled sunday. you can always run in the rain. although last weekend i literally froze, and stayed that way for the remainder of the weekend. need to do school work.

monday - work. deadline for all things school.

tuesday - clinic day at work = crappy. and crappy all day, no getting out of there early.

wednesday - lovely day as a bedside nurse. being recalled to the bedside due to a nursing strike. this means i need to be in the unit by 5am. it will be at least a 13 hour day. vomit.

thursday - clinic day at work again. ugh.

friday - should i make it this far, this is my final week of this class in school. i have a final exam. oh, and i have to work.

saturday - will be driving to palm springs for desert tri. which i do NOT want to do. last year's race sucked, and when i say i was there all alone, i'm not even kidding. it rained, it was freezing, evey threw up, it sucked. when i finished the run there was one other girl out there. no exaggeration.

sunday - the race. and drive home.

monday - school stuff due, final/paper all of it. because tuesday begins another class. oh, and clinic.

this nursing strike is a pain in the ass. i'm sure they have good reason, whatever. but i don't care. in my job now, i have to do a 7-8 page report, possibly two of them depending on the severity of their case, for each and every baby we discharge. well, we're discharging all we can right now to prepare for the strike. which means yesterday i had a lovely 11 reports to submit. that took me all day. literally. today i have another 6 so far, and it's only 9am. this is bullshit. not to mention all these reports are for the 2nd job i took over after coming into this position. this isn't even my original job. my original job i'm so far behind in it's not even funny.

last week was horrendous for my training. i totally fell off the wagon, and it got so far away from me, even after saturday's run i still couldn't see the damn thing. sunday i had a decent ride. this week i've gotten a run in. and it was a good one. but no matter what i get in now, the guilt of last week still haunts me. it's so depleting, all of it. i need a time out. i need to just go somewhere and hide for a few days. i'm in such a funk lately i can't even see light. i don't know what's going on. i'm hoping after surviving next week, i'll be able to bask in the light again...