this pic is the epitome of my week. my pup, longing to go for a run.
last weekend i lost my shit man. i don't know what the hell happened, but by the time i got home from work on friday night, i was a bona fide basket case. i'd had a really rough day at work, missed my first train, only to get on the next one. turns out that first train that i missed hit either someone in a car or a pedestrian. sure, i feel badly, but they said it wasn't a fatality. so then i just got pissed. our train ended up stranded for an hour in between stops. which means they wouldn't let us off. by the time we got to move, we stopped at the next stop and got tons of people. it was a very disturbing experience. i am not known for claustrophobia, but when you know you're trapped on a full train, the bad thoughts just set in. by the time i got to my car the tears had already started. a block from the house those tears had turned to sobbing. at the house it was the all-out boohoo, i mean the ugly cry. the one where snot comes cascading out of your nose and you don't even give a shit. that lasted about an hour and a half. poor dave.
obviously my frame of mind was dwindling, and fast. monday pretty much all day was spent texting my mom. basically she laid it out for me - i needed to go back on my meds. i have a history of depression, first related to mono, then to my shitty marriage, then a miscarriage, then getting hit by a tow truck. i managed to work myself off them last august. i've been in denial lately, thinking my depression was purely stress related. way too much going on, and not enough of it within my control. but during that convo monday something just clicked.
things have been much better since then. i got a few answers on things that've been hanging over my head (my MIA passport, for one - which i applied for a full 11 weeks ago now). much much better.
once again, i hope to get out this week for a few runs. my lovely, wonderful, supportive office-mate caught the bug and ran her first half marathon this morning. she did awesome, but we were a little bummed that we only got to see her once at mile 3. somehow we missed her 2 times after that. with 20,000+ racers, it's not surprising, but you'd think 2 triathletes could accurately calculate times and make it to those spots on time. you'd think. you'd be wrong. watching races always motivates me. my tentative plan as it stands now is to start training for a half marathon again. want to crush my time from last season. looking at a half in march or so, that way i'll be all ready to go for the ITU championships in san diego. i have a sorority sister racing that one with me, so i need to be ready. plus it's the olympic trials - final chance for all those pro/elite athletes to make it into the olympics, so i'm damn excited to be there for that race!
last weekend i lost my shit man. i don't know what the hell happened, but by the time i got home from work on friday night, i was a bona fide basket case. i'd had a really rough day at work, missed my first train, only to get on the next one. turns out that first train that i missed hit either someone in a car or a pedestrian. sure, i feel badly, but they said it wasn't a fatality. so then i just got pissed. our train ended up stranded for an hour in between stops. which means they wouldn't let us off. by the time we got to move, we stopped at the next stop and got tons of people. it was a very disturbing experience. i am not known for claustrophobia, but when you know you're trapped on a full train, the bad thoughts just set in. by the time i got to my car the tears had already started. a block from the house those tears had turned to sobbing. at the house it was the all-out boohoo, i mean the ugly cry. the one where snot comes cascading out of your nose and you don't even give a shit. that lasted about an hour and a half. poor dave.
obviously my frame of mind was dwindling, and fast. monday pretty much all day was spent texting my mom. basically she laid it out for me - i needed to go back on my meds. i have a history of depression, first related to mono, then to my shitty marriage, then a miscarriage, then getting hit by a tow truck. i managed to work myself off them last august. i've been in denial lately, thinking my depression was purely stress related. way too much going on, and not enough of it within my control. but during that convo monday something just clicked.
things have been much better since then. i got a few answers on things that've been hanging over my head (my MIA passport, for one - which i applied for a full 11 weeks ago now). much much better.
once again, i hope to get out this week for a few runs. my lovely, wonderful, supportive office-mate caught the bug and ran her first half marathon this morning. she did awesome, but we were a little bummed that we only got to see her once at mile 3. somehow we missed her 2 times after that. with 20,000+ racers, it's not surprising, but you'd think 2 triathletes could accurately calculate times and make it to those spots on time. you'd think. you'd be wrong. watching races always motivates me. my tentative plan as it stands now is to start training for a half marathon again. want to crush my time from last season. looking at a half in march or so, that way i'll be all ready to go for the ITU championships in san diego. i have a sorority sister racing that one with me, so i need to be ready. plus it's the olympic trials - final chance for all those pro/elite athletes to make it into the olympics, so i'm damn excited to be there for that race!
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