there's been a lot of talk 'round here lately. about the future. about marriage. it's exciting, a bit unnerving. today at work i talked with one of the girls in my office for no less than an hour and a half. we discussed everything from pregnancy to the stupidity of men to the intuition of women. this past weekend dave had a very good (long lost) buddy come visit, and he stayed with us for 4 days. during that time, the three of us also had a similar talk. in these two conversations, i've learned a lot about myself and about dave, and our future.
with dave, i can be anything or anyone i want to be. and i am, on a daily basis. i'm the first to admit that i'm not an easy person to live with, to deal with day in and day out. but he does it with such ease. even when i drive him crazy, his response isn't really evident. maybe i'm not watching close enough. by the same token, this man sitting next to me on the couch even as i type this - he drives me fucking crazy. i told him when we first met about my two rules: don't fuck with my food, and don't fuck with my sleep. he does both. mostly just to screw with me. he has 9 fingers left, and after 2 years i think that's pretty good. that's like 34% left, right? any idea why i'm not doing well in finance?
within the first week of our romantic relationship beginning, i knew i was done. i even told a few people as much, even back then. my co-worker backed me up on this part. women just know.
i think of the path my life has taken, the path that lead me to david. i can't be more thankful. for my ex being an ass. for my being immature in my handling of his stupid ass. in my daring desire to be a travel nurse, and come to a state where i'd never in my life wanted to go. when i was married, we were coming up with his 'dreamsheet' - a list of bases he/we'd be willing to live. i was ADAMANT that we weren't going to CA. i can't believe how ironic it is that i leave him, and within years i find the man i was always meant for in the exact state i would never go to with him. there's something very poetic about that.
when i went through all i went through last year, the logical side of me knows that it was probably the hardest thing i've done in my life so far. but mentally, a lot of the time i think the year before it was worse. i was attacked, i lost my job, my furniture was taken, i slept on the floor of my apartment(s) for 4 months straight, i had no money. and yet when i look at those two different times, the one thing that stands out in my mind is dave. the first rough time we were just friends, yet he was my rock. corny, yes. but this man was there for me every single day. he paid my way everywhere, when money was my absolute #1 source for stress. he met with me all the time, he made me laugh all summer long. he was amazing. and this past year, i can't even really put into words what he was for me. i know i could've made it through it all without him. i know that now because of all he's shown me. had i never met him, i don't know that i would've made it through. i can honestly say that.
to my love: you are my future. you are my past. i cherish our present, and i thank you. for all of it.
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Tears
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