it's coming

my 'A' race that is.

oceanside is upon me. somehow it finally got here. i'm nervous as hell. i believe i am ready, but i'm still very, very nervous. i think the hardest part will be the swim. my swim is more than lacking at this point, and 1.2 miles is a ways to go when you're not quite there on your swimming. i just dread going to the pool these days. hate it. i love running, and i'm still pretty wishy-washy about the ride, but the swim i can't stand. i can't stand the idea of plying myself into a damn wetsuit. that's probably where most of it stems from. and the fact that at one point the swim was probably one of my better legs, and now it's just not. when i first starting training for oceanside, i was really worried that my run would be where i'd need the most work; now i know that's not true. i can make that distance. i have a 10 mile run to do tomorrow after a 2.5 hr bike, and there's no doubt i'll be able to do that one. so i have no doubt i'll be able to do the 13.1 miles next saturday. someone once told me they were so afraid of the swim because it was the only real place you could die and be dead for hours before anyone really even knew you were missing. the bike, you go down, there's always someone around you to notice. the run, you can't really run away fast enough that someone doesn't see you going the wrong way. i laughed out loud when i heard this explanation, now it makes total sense to me. i don't think i will die. i have too much fat to be able to sink. but i could see on an extremely cold, terrible day being so exhausted after a 1.2 mile swim that the rest of the day was just a loss. obviously i'm now to that stage where you plan for everything that could possibly go wrong. rain? ok, then i'll have my jacket with me, maybe a change of socks for T2. food because i'm starving? maybe i freeze a snickers overnight the night before and i can put that in my bag so i can then put it in my pocket in T2. hot? drink. and drink some more. pain? i'll have a few aspirin with me in my bag, and possibly in my pocket after i dry out from the swim.

i'm not going to race my fastest race ever. this is my first attempt at this distance. this year, ideally, i'd like to be the year of the 70.3s. i'd like to have a decent finish at this one, do barb's race in july with evey, and then do soma with dave in october. this race is just to prove to my mind and body that i can most definitely do this distance. this is a doable distance for me. there will be suckfest times. i'm sure one of them will be at the start of the swim. another during the uphill climbs of the ride. but from there, i get to run. and no matter how long the run takes me, i will be at least fast enough on the first 2 legs that i'll be able to finish the run before the cutoff. i'm nervous about the cutoff times. i'm nervous about my bike fit. everything on my bike is movable right now. literally. i'll be riding and the damn thing will shift. it's not supposed to do that. i don't know if my bike fit guy hasn't cranked things down tight enough because he thinks we'll still be making some adjustments this week, or because no one really tightens anything when it's attached to carbon, but my fat ass needs some tightening up! hope to get that figured out tomorrow during my second stage bike fit.

ugh. i'm so ready for this damn race to be over with already. i'm tired. not really from training, but from dreading this weekend. right now i'm focused on the race. i'm not at all focusing on the next day, just race day right now. i get through race day, the rest of the weekend is just going to be a breeze. this time next week, i shall be a half ironman.